I know you can’t eat toilet paper, but that’s the point. The nice thing about White Rabbit is that you can eat the paper wrapper each little candy comes in. Oh yeah and White Rabbit tastes good too, but that doesn’t matter. Edible paper is cool.

Cornics is the Filipino snack that Cornuts tries to be but can’t because of the FDA. Each bag of Filipino fried corn comes with twice the sodium, twice the garlic pieces, and therefore seventeen times the goodness Cornuts has. Sorry Cornuts, you’re just too good for my health. Cornics wins.

The queen of v-neck sweaters had some NYC Filipinos on her show today. Romy Dorotan cooked up some chicken adobo and Kinding Sindaw performed in the end. Thanks for spreading the Filipino pride girlfriend. All she needs now is the big fork and spoon on the wall of her studio set and she’s Filipino. Ok, maybe not. She’ll need a lot more than that.

Tony the Tiger and Wheaties says a complete breakfast is made up of a tall glass of milk, another tall glass of orange juice, and a bowl of cereal with strawberries on top. Whatever. Give me a bowl of tocino, longanisa, eggs, and rice and i’ll be doing back flips.

But pritong isda’ is the king of all Filipino breakfasts. Forget Folgers, the smell of fried fish wakes me up like a slap in the face. There’s nothing like taking a warm, freshly fried piece of isda’ in between my fingers, sawsawing it (dipping it) into a small dish of hang patis (spicy vinegar), and throwing it inside my mouth with a warm ball of freshly cooked rice.

If you see a group of Filipinos standing and eating off paper plates with their hands, stay away. Peeling sticky rice kernels off your feet can be stressful. Rice also attracts angry snowmen.

My family was having lunch when a snowman in an Oakland A’s cap came by and threw snowballs at my uncle’s Mahjong table.

As the snowman was screaming “Oakland bitch!” I picked up one of our rice cookers, threw it as his head, and made halo-halo with his dead body. Thanks to the snowman, i’ll always remember never to make halo-halo with yellow snow. Good times.

Bow down. I am Datu Filipeanut. Destined for kingship in my barangay, I took on the role of Little Datu at the age of 10. This is me during a ceremony where I had to demonstrate my fighting skills and cat-like reflexes. As a matter of fact, it was I who had passed the art of Filipino fighting to westerners like Chuck Norris and Donald Duck.

So this is what balut looks like here. In the Philippines fresh balut is grown on trees, hand picked by baby blue Filipino rabbits, and prepared by cute heavily-stuffed animals. In the United States balut hide behind frost-burned shrimp in 20-year-old freezers… and look like that up there. It tasted “ok” but there wasn’t alot of sabao (soup) and it was really small.

See it here.

It’s good luck to eat pancit new years day and at birthday parties because it means long life full of happiness and high blood pressure. Shoot i’ll eat this everyday then.

All you need is dry pancit canton noodles and a gun. Chop up all the vegetables and meats you want in it. Fry meats first, vegetables last, and throw in the pancit with chicken broth. Keep stirring until most of the broth is soaked up, the noodles are nice and lovely, or until you give up and decide to go to Panda Express, which is where you’ll need the gun to get food for free. Or you can look up the recipe from someone who knows what they’re doing.