I never eat-in at a Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant in the U.S. Why? Because they don’t serve rice.

Eating something without rice is like watching my favorite movie without sound or slapping my enemy in the face without using hands: I just can’t do it. Kentucky Fried Chicken (or Popeye’s or Church’s) is so flavorful and oily I have to have it with rice. There are some things I can eat without rice, like pizza or a Snickers bar. But other than that, rice complements everything else. Take for example Flaming Hot Cheetos. You really need to mix that with some rice if you want to experience pure joy.

Scratch that, i’d actually eat pizza with rice. Might as well throw Snickers in with that too, a nice thick piece of suman with chocolate and peanut chunks sounds pretty good right now.

Mmmmmm, a meat close up. Why didn’t I think of this before? My Tita Beng took a slab of steak slapped with dijon mustard and wrapped it around bacon, onions, and sliced pickles. Apparently it’s a German dish called Rouladen but it looks like a lumpia roll wrapped in meat to me. Who can resist meat wrapped in meat, drenched in meat sauce? Nobody. Maybe vegetarians.

I was reminiscing on iphoto when I found these pictures of my cousin James and his ex-girlfriend Issa. They met one romantic afternoon at my house when Issa’s mom dropped her off for the first time to be babysat.

It was love at first sight. James tried to spit game by giving her his baby bottle drenched with his laway (saliva) but she played hard to get.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. Issa was far too fly as a half-pinay, half-mexican hapa Mexipino and James, though handsome, was just too bugoy (gangsta). After their brief love affair James went back to his old drinking habits again, requesting more shots of low fat milk which forced him to fart more. I still love him though. I just can’t help but wonder if Issa had an older sister, but then I realize im neither handsome OR bugoy. Damn I need a shot of milk. No I want the the 100-proof whole milk stuff thank you.