Hl0, der hw r u? Im typng lik dis c0z im s0 usd 2 typng txt msges 0n my f0ne. Txt msging is s0 p0pulr in the pilipines. I als0 lik 2 miscall pepl c0z I dnt wnt 2 wayst minits. I cnt hlp it. Evn wen i tlk to pe0pl i sund as if im txting. N e way, g0ta g0, i need 2 txt my cuzin 2 buy me sum dryd mang0 and nu undrwr. ty 4 redng. c ya l8r. bye.

Peanut butter is too sticky and causes diabetes. But peanut butter with peanut bits on fresh, warm pan de sal from Valerios still sounds good. Sometimes I like to rub ube jam all over my body. Whoops did I just type that?

Ube is made out of the hearts of magical purple pasta eaters who reside in the mountains of Boracay. Ube jam’s goodness is just as high on the “oh-shit-this-is-good” meter as peanut butter but it’s also not as sweet and not as sticky, making it easier to eat and diabetic-friendly (not really). It’s also purple and there isn’t a lot of things that are purple that I like to rub on my body. Like burnt egg plant or a bruised finger.

Good afternoon/evening ma’am/sir. My name is Peanut. Fili, Peanut. I am a super-secret agent who just received Philippine citizenship thanks to the Philippine government’s dual citizenship law. I now report to both Tito George Bush and Kuya Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and have cultural-identity issues that make me cry at night. Carrying multiple passports enables me to be like my idol James Bond, who carries different ID’s for super-secret missions and womanizing.

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