To celebrate Filipino-American history month, outgoing and horny Filipino college students participate in what are called “spam-eating contests.” Spam, like Catholicism and herpes, was brought over by foreign white people during the late something-hundreds. But it was the Filipino college student who discovered Spam’s potential in getting one popular and laid. One day, the Chinese will have kung pow chicken contests. Until then, the world will have too much kung pow chicken.

If you love fat then you’ll love lechon. Slicing into the freshly-roasted crisp skin of your pet pig can be exhilarating, like skydiving. The only difference is that it’s a ground-level activity and if something goes wrong it’ll happen in your late 60’s during a stroke or heart attack.

If you want some great-tasting stateside lechon, have $185 bucks, and you live in San Joaquin county, California, email me and i’ll refer you to my uncle who makes some crisp, flavorful, homemade lechon (legally too)! Rotisserie style of course, not that soft flat “eagle-cut” shit baked in an oven. Damn Chinese restaurants.