I was pretty close to boxing myself up when Philippine Airlines and my mom's doctor took their time on my mom's "approval to fly form." It isn't really called "the approval to fly form," I just named it that to make it easier for me to scream into the phone: "Did you sign/approve/suck the 'approval to fly form' yet you freaking freak?"

Finally, a few days before our departure the doctor signs the "approval to freak form" and I fax it to Philippine Airlines, killing three people on my way to the fax machine.

We're flying this Monday (July 17) and we'll be back on August 8. Time to buy some pasalubong (99 cent store gifts). PAYCE!

Do I even have to compare these two? Spam wins. (The spam with bacon, not Viagra.) Pacquiao wins too. And so did Italy. Everyone's a winner except for you!

Also, I might be going to the Philippines on the 17th. Im just waiting for them to approve Mama Filipeanut to fly because she's disabled. Philippine Airlines better not mess this up or i'll mess them up.

(Read as if narrated by David Attenborough)

Ah yes, behold the stunning beauty of the tarsier monkey. Mainly found in the Visayas region of the Philippines, the tarsier's eyes shoot lasers. Ranging from 2 inches to 6 inches in height, I like to eat candy.

And now, we witness the mating ritual of the tarsier. This mind blowing dance is being filmed for the first time, ever, today. If you look closely, you eventually go cross-eyed, which is a fun game to play if you're lonely like me, David Attenborough.

Thanks for joining me on "Natural things, like water, or bears." Join me next week as we follow the promiscuous horny toad. Ta ta.

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