Tagay means "HOY, pour me some of that Red Horse beer or i'll akdjf lsdkhjg" in Tagalog. It's also a magic word that, when said, makes depressed people smile and drunk people sober, ready for another swig of Red Horse or San Miguel beer.

In the Philippines, I connect myself to an IV full of beer. I'd wake up at 11:30am and have a glass of Tanduay rum and coke for breakfast. My next drink would be in the afternoon when my uncles and their friends gathered for a noontime karaoke/tuba (coconut wine) session, followed by a brief siesta (nap time). And then came sundown when all hell broke loose.

I guess by the time 6pm came the alcohol in my body merged with my red blood cells to create "red horse cells." These cells in turn would ride through my blood stream pouring more beer into the glasses of other cells, getting my white blood cells so drunk that they'd think they were sperm.

Because im materialistic yet poor, I like sporting brand name clothes at the cheapest price. Stores in the U.S like Ross, Marshalls, and thrift stores have always provided a nice home for my weekly paycheck. I thought my life was complete until I spent 1/8th of my paycheck at the Greenhills shopping center on two new friends of mine named Louie and Gucci.

I purchased a red Lacoste polo, a pair of Converse lows, a pair of Adidas, and a Bruce Lee greatest hits DVD for 20 bucks US. Unfortunately the polo's signature crocodile logo is neon green and the Bruce Lee DVD menu is in Chinese. The good thing was that the fake Converse's are much more comfortable than the real ones. Suckas!

(Disclaimer: Filipeanut does not condone the purchase of designer imitations and pirated movies and music. Filipeanut does however condone the accidental purchase of such items, but only if you sacrifice a small goat or attractive virgin to him.)

Just when you think malls can't get any bigger in the Philippines all of a sudden an even bigger mall pops out of nowhere. But this mall isn't just any other mall, it's the... MALL OF ASIA.

This mall has merry-go-rounds, ice skating rinks, and hot girls. Oh yeah, and stores. My favorite place in the mall is the ice skating rink which is where I like to lay face down on the ice after a long, hot, day outside. Unfortunately, security guards take you away after a few minutes. Air-con taxi please.

Welp, im now darker and fatter thanks to our three week vacation back home in Bohol, PI. And it was worth every pound and sunburnt skin flake. I'll be back to post once I shake off my retarded-ass jetlag. And sunburnt skin flakes.

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