The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it’s the crowing of your cock. Ok bye blog ‘o mine, i’ll be back on March 1st. I’ll bring back some pakwan (blogging fuel). I wish I knew how to quit you (I love you).
Related links (not really):
-Amazon.com sa wala, Humane Society sa meron. Amazon.com wins.
-YOU know it’s not real, but your BURGLER doesn’t.
-Nerds are more attractive than hot, smooth talkers. Does not apply to bloggers.
The Supercenter Walmarts are big, open 24 hrs a day, and are great places to hang out in small, boring US towns. I can’t satisfy my macapuno ice cream fix there but I do get good deals on toilet paper and neck bones.
But “Asian” supermarkets have a wider variety of seafood and most offer to fry fish whole so you don’t have to stink up your roommate’s mom’s house. Most importantly they have life-sustaining products such as, but not limited to: milkfish, banana leaves, Pocky’s, and calamansi juice. You’re lucky if your Walmart has at least one of these, but the Superking, Manila Oriental, or the Seafood City down the block will have all of these plus plastic bags with cool designs on them. Also, some of the pinays that work the registers at Seafood City are nice. Too bad their uncles work there too because they’re big and carry price guns and box cutters. Always avoid eye contact when they bag your tilapia filets and stare at you.
Hark, ’tis the season of promises. Political buzz is in the air both in the US and the RP. In the US, i’ve seen a lanky white guy, an adulterer, a chimpanzee, and now the adulterer’s wife wants to be president. In the Philippines, i’ve heard about a dictator’s wife’s shoe closet, a Filipino Charles Bronson, and a small woman with a big mole on her face. In other words I really don’t know squat about both these governments. But for some reason, no matter how distant I feel from both country’s politics, I find myself interested and doing research… and then I stop, grab a Coke, and watch TV.
When I was finished doing by intensive, 5 minute research via Google I have concluded that I must run for Leader, Master, AND Commander of the Universe because I feel I am the solution to both hunger and paparazzi: two things that both poor and rich skinny girls suffer from. Here is what I stand for: old people, the color mauve, models, Mexicans, and bok choy.
Anyway, if you vote for me, I promise that I will vote for you when you run for something.
RP and US “not-so-front-page” election news:
-Slates in for RP Senate like Team Unity and Grand Coalition. Team Filipeanut wants re-filing.
-Wait, don’t forget about the environment!
-Oh yeah, and then there’s everyone else.
-Pacquiao wants to be Mayor. Automatic TKO for opposing candidates.
-Australia’s leader doesn’t want Obama to become the leader of the US. And kisses Bush’s butt.
OFW “kinda-front-page-but-not-really” news:
-Filipinos in Canada send back C$335 million. ‘O Canada, please send me money too.
-BPI reports “hella” remittances for ‘06.
-9 Fisherman are rescued after being out at sea, bringing new meaning to “Overseas Filipino Workers.”
After more than a year since her stroke my mom can finally go home to consume all the butong (young coconuts) and fresh fish (fresh fish) she wants, but hopefully not ginamos (salt-enclosed anchovies). My mom’s 60th birthday just passed which means that her Social (In)Security benefits are now approved. We’re leaving this Valentines Day so I can try to hook up with one of the flight attendants but I have to be back on the 26th to get a job and watch the new Transformers movie.
Pre-Valentines day link round up:
-Man proposes via a Veronica Mars commercial.
-Remains found of two people hugging. Possibly died during sex.
-A video for those of you who just got OUT of a relationship.
-Get a candle lit dinner over burgers and fries on Vday.
-Cold Stone ice cream, buy one get one free.
Sorry I just watched the Oprah Winfrey show. For a post title, I could have used, “Live life to the fullest,” or “Seize the day you unique and beautiful-in-your-own-way person you.” Instead I used “The secret to success” because although some of the greatest people who ever walked the planet knew it, people who were not so great or were below average greatness didn’t know about this secret… until now (enter inspirational children’s choir music or Halo’s intro music playing. Or any Eric Clapton song before 1985).
Albert Einstein, William Shakespeare, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Plato, Homer, Homer Simpson, Gandhi, Ricky Martin, your Lola Pining, and of course, myself, have known about this “secret” for a long time but it wasn’t until this millennium that a group of cheesy motivational speakers got together and shared this common idea to help others; via their DVD you have to buy of course. I myself however, being one of the greatest people that ever graced the face of this world and earth, will share with you this secret for free. So what is this secret? Allow me to type more unrelated bullcrap before I give you the answer.
First, the setup: You’re going through some pretty tough times. I am too. And like me you know that you’re not the only one in the world with problems, but most of the time, your problem is the biggest of all because you’re the one going through it. You are alone. In the heat of emotion (anger, sadness, jealousy, etc) your suffering is the worst suffering. But these emotions aren’t created by the “world,” or your spouse, or your boss, or your Kuya Dong, or your looks, or pollution, or your lack of money, food, or shelter… they’re created by the brain cells in your head. So how do you end this endless cycle of happy-sad-happy-sad? If all suffering is relative, or the same, that probably means that there is also one common answer to all suffering. If all suffering is in the mind, then the answer to suffering could probably be in the mind too.
Phew, with all that said, what’s the secret? Brain mucus. The secret is brain mucus. Now go forth into the world and take it by the nuts and shake them like you’ve never shook nuts before. Because im pretty sure you’ve never grabbed someone’s nuts before and then shook them.
Or you can just watch the cheesy DVD on YouTube: Part 1, 2, 4. I don’t know what the heck happened to 3. Remember, brain mucus.
