Whew! Staying fit is tough so i’ll just stick to staying fat. Instead of jogging, I sit in the kitchen eating. When im not eating, im thinking about what I could eat and then eat it.

Today I was thinking of chopping up some pig face and brain, tossing it around on a grill fried with spices, calamansi, and chopped onions, sprinkled with that nice crispy crumbly stuff and green onions, and then throwing it all on a plate still sizzling, topping it off with a raw egg that eventually cooks over the still sizzling mix of fat, cartilage pieces, and oil. Fortunately, sisig is special in that it makes you fat when you think about it, so I didn’t have to make it.

1) Put on the barong.
2) Feel yourself. Love and caress that new smooth-feeling garment.
3) Grab a stranger who also happens to be wearing a barong and take a photo together. The gayer the better.

A typical Filipino breakfast consists of either tocino/beef tapa/longanisa/bangus and an egg. But a real Filipino breakfast isn’t eaten at breakfast at all. Its eaten at 1am and created by frying any leftovers you had from dinner. And an egg. It is especially tasty after 4am when you’re drunk and think you can see in the dark.

On my 8th birthday (picture above) I received an email forward telling me whether or not I was Filipino. After reading other “lists” I realized that I might be Persian. Or Burkinabè, even though I don’t know who they are or where they’re from.

Then again maybe im not Filipino, American, or even Persian or Burkinabè. Im actually a Filipeanut, born from a land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean between the Philippines and the mating grounds of bangus (milkfish). And then I realized, hey, maybe there are other Filipeanuts out there too, so I compiled my own “list.”

You know you’re Filipeanut when…
1) You look in the mirror and boom there you are, Filipeanut.
2) You can’t swim.
3) You’re scared of cats.
4) You consider every birthday after your 18th an anniversary of your 18th.
5) At parties, you use the bathroom only to check if you have eye boogers and then stand there for 5 minutes, thinking that if you return to the party too quickly people will know that you go to the bathroom only to check yourself in the mirror for eye boogers, and then you get nervous and confused, thinking, “Damn if I leave now these people will think I just go in here to pick at my eye boogers. But if I take too long, they’ll think I went poo.”

My seventh annual 18th birthday party will be this Saturday so I hope my Auntie Lik-Lik will send pasalubong to me via LBC. US President George W. Bush and Philippine President Gloria M. Arroyo have been invited to come but politely declined by not responding. It’s cool.

I believe the children are our future. This is why I believe in dressing them in McDonalds logos so that in the future, our children can become fat Americans, regardless of what country they are in. And one day young children, like the one pictured above, will roam freely on this Earth spreading embarrassing stories of their childhoods when their older cousins, like the one writing this post, dressed them in bright red. Go team Pacquiao!

Cousins are finally posting up photos of the Convention of Boholanos from the US and Canada, aka, CONBUSAC. Or as I like to call it, “the expensive-ass trip to some other place where only old people go to but then its fun to see your crazy aunt get drunk and start line dancing.”

-AJ’s album
-PJ’s “teaser video”
-Crystal’s album

The names above are a testament to the fact that 2 out of 3 Filipinos have a “J” in their nickname.