The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it's the crowing of your cock. Ok bye blog 'o mine, i'll be back on March 1st. I'll bring back some pakwan (blogging fuel). I wish I knew how to quit you (I love you).

Related links (not really):
-Amazon.com sa wala, Humane Society sa meron. Amazon.com wins.
-YOU know it's not real, but your BURGLER doesn't.
-Nerds are more attractive than hot, smooth talkers. Does not apply to bloggers.

The Supercenter Walmarts are big, open 24 hrs a day, and are great places to hang out in small, boring US towns. I can't satisfy my macapuno ice cream fix there but I do get good deals on toilet paper and neck bones.

But "Asian" supermarkets have a wider variety of seafood and most offer to fry fish whole so you don't have to stink up your roommate's mom's house. Most importantly they have life-sustaining products such as, but not limited to: milkfish, banana leaves, Pocky's, and calamansi juice. You're lucky if your Walmart has at least one of these, but the Superking, Manila Oriental, or the Seafood City down the block will have all of these plus plastic bags with cool designs on them. Also, some of the pinays that work the registers at Seafood City are nice. Too bad their uncles work there too because they're big and carry price guns and box cutters. Always avoid eye contact when they bag your tilapia filets and stare at you.

Hark, 'tis the season of promises. Political buzz is in the air both in the US and the RP. In the US, i've seen a lanky white guy, an adulterer, a chimpanzee, and now the adulterer's wife wants to be president. In the Philippines, i've heard about a dictator's wife's shoe closet, a Filipino Charles Bronson, and a small woman with a big mole on her face. In other words I really don't know squat about both these governments. But for some reason, no matter how distant I feel from both country's politics, I find myself interested and doing research... and then I stop, grab a Coke, and watch TV.

When I was finished doing by intensive, 5 minute research via Google I have concluded that I must run for Leader, Master, AND Commander of the Universe because I feel I am the solution to both hunger and paparazzi: two things that both poor and rich skinny girls suffer from. Here is what I stand for: old people, the color mauve, models, Mexicans, and bok choy.

Anyway, if you vote for me, I promise that I will vote for you when you run for something.

RP and US "not-so-front-page" election news:
-Slates in for RP Senate like Team Unity and Grand Coalition. Team Filipeanut wants re-filing.
-Wait, don't forget about the environment!
-Oh yeah, and then there's everyone else.
-Pacquiao wants to be Mayor. Automatic TKO for opposing candidates.
-Australia's leader doesn't want Obama to become the leader of the US. And kisses Bush's butt.

OFW "kinda-front-page-but-not-really" news:
-Filipinos in Canada send back C$335 million. 'O Canada, please send me money too.
-BPI reports "hella" remittances for '06.
-9 Fisherman are rescued after being out at sea, bringing new meaning to "Overseas Filipino Workers."

After more than a year since her stroke my mom can finally go home to consume all the butong (young coconuts) and fresh fish (fresh fish) she wants, but hopefully not ginamos (salt-enclosed anchovies). My mom's 60th birthday just passed which means that her Social (In)Security benefits are now approved. We're leaving this Valentines Day so I can try to hook up with one of the flight attendants but I have to be back on the 26th to get a job and watch the new Transformers movie.

Pre-Valentines day link round up:
-Man proposes via a Veronica Mars commercial.
-Remains found of two people hugging. Possibly died during sex.
-A video for those of you who just got OUT of a relationship.
-Get a candle lit dinner over burgers and fries on Vday.
-Cold Stone ice cream, buy one get one free.

Sorry I just watched the Oprah Winfrey show. For a post title, I could have used, "Live life to the fullest," or "Seize the day you unique and beautiful-in-your-own-way person you." Instead I used "The secret to success" because although some of the greatest people who ever walked the planet knew it, people who were not so great or were below average greatness didn't know about this secret... until now (enter inspirational children's choir music or Halo's intro music playing. Or any Eric Clapton song before 1985).

Albert Einstein, William Shakespeare, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Plato, Homer, Homer Simpson, Gandhi, Ricky Martin, your Lola Pining, and of course, myself, have known about this "secret" for a long time but it wasn't until this millennium that a group of cheesy motivational speakers got together and shared this common idea to help others; via their DVD you have to buy of course. I myself however, being one of the greatest people that ever graced the face of this world and earth, will share with you this secret for free. So what is this secret? Allow me to type more unrelated bullcrap before I give you the answer.

First, the setup: You're going through some pretty tough times. I am too. And like me you know that you're not the only one in the world with problems, but most of the time, your problem is the biggest of all because you're the one going through it. You are alone. In the heat of emotion (anger, sadness, jealousy, etc) your suffering is the worst suffering. But these emotions aren't created by the "world," or your spouse, or your boss, or your Kuya Dong, or your looks, or pollution, or your lack of money, food, or shelter... they're created by the brain cells in your head. So how do you end this endless cycle of happy-sad-happy-sad? If all suffering is relative, or the same, that probably means that there is also one common answer to all suffering. If all suffering is in the mind, then the answer to suffering could probably be in the mind too.

Phew, with all that said, what's the secret? Brain mucus. The secret is brain mucus. Now go forth into the world and take it by the nuts and shake them like you've never shook nuts before. Because im pretty sure you've never grabbed someone's nuts before and then shook them.

Or you can just watch the cheesy DVD on YouTube: Part 1, 2, 4. I don't know what the heck happened to 3. Remember, brain mucus.

Once upon a time there was a Turkish man named Typhun. Typhun worked in a small "hole-in-the-wall" "mom-n-pop" selling Turkish food owned by, who else? His mom and pop. It was even smaller than your typical sari-sari store on the corner that only fits one old woman or 2 small skinny boys. Anyway so I stop by and try the one and only item on their menu: a döner kebab. It was then that I realized that there was more to this world than raw fish and ampalaya; that there were people with cool names like "Typhun" selling pockets of love called döners for only 2 euros (P192 or $4).

Döner kebab (dune-er ka-bap) can come with beef or chicken but the sliced, juicy, tender, lamb meat slow cooked on a 3 foot high vertical spit, topped with shredded lettuce and onion and a mysterious yogurt-like substance all cradled in a lightly toasted flatbread pocket of love really hits you like Pacquiao with road rage in an SUV.

It's too bad that I haven't been able to find döner kebabs like that here yet, if I don't find one I might just buy a cooking spit myself, along with some lamb and flatbread and open up shop. I'd call it "lechon sheep with mysterious yogurt-like substance." I'll need to win the lottery first though.

OFW news etc...
-Priest gets Mongolian man drunk but avoids Mongolian beef.
-Cebu City, PI in Daly City, CA
-Filipina wins $1-M Qatar Duty Free draw.
-Remember Manila, 1945.

Some French people "discovered" thousands of mollusks and crust-asians off the coast of Bohol. Too bad I wasn't there though, I would've called 1st dibs on one of the urchins (tuyom) or sea cucumbers (bat) they may have "discovered" and named them after me. A few years ago, another group of balding scientists in their 70's "discovered" a parrot that was already a pet in many homes on the island province of Camiguin.

If these scientists start finding fossil remains of pusit in my mom's backyard and claim them to be "new discoveries" i'll swim out there myself, pretend I was a new species, and then hijack their boats demanding free lanzones (lan-son-es). Sorry but to me, new species = new dishes. Uy lamia'! Photo of loriculus camiguinensis by Thomas Arndt, courtesy of The Field Museum.

My first memory of Vicks VaporRub was when I was 5 and sick with a cold. Mysterious fumes or "vapors" rose from the creme so that when I breathed it in its mystical properties loosened up my mucus or something. The instructions say to rub Vicks on your chest but my mom went ahead and stuffed it up my nose. I guess she thought it was best to attack the source of the problem by pinning me down and stuffing spicy menthol creme up my nostrils. When I had a fever, she'd put a cold thermometer under my armpit, which at 5 years old not only gave you bad chills, but it also tickled. I never got sick again.

Lesson: Vicks shouldn't be used on places where you would normally apply vaseline or KY jelly.

Related products and deals online (not really):
-Buy one get one free Cold Stone ice cream for February
-KY Jelly deal and more at Walgreens (large coupon book in pdf)
-Something to use with KY Jelly. And an iPod.

To a comedian this is a juxtaposition made in heaven. But from what I hear "Paper Dolls" is a documentary with a serious story to tell. If it isn't hard enough being an OFW, having to leave your family to provide for them by working in a foreign land, imagine being rejected by your family and then provide for them by working in a foreign land taking care of other people's parents who have been rejected by their own children, all the while bombs are going off outside. Yeah that's pretty hard.

"A Place Called Home" uses a sample from Freddie Aguilar's "Anak" (which means child). The rap group, with members from New York and New Jersey, rap about their perspectives on their Filipino heritage, bringing to light where this group's true foundations lie.


-from Deep Foundation's Myspace

When im hungry and at home with no money I use my imagination and work with what I have in the kitchen, like in Sesame Street or MacGyver. Today I realized that I could make rice, coffee, and pizza made out of sliced bread and McDonald's ketchup packets.

Disappointed, I looked into the freezer and found a mysterious bag full of frozen lumpia. I say mysterious because I could have sworn it wasn't there before. Also, I didn't know how old it was. Im not good with carbon dating but I think it dated back to the Cretaceous period. I decided to take a chance and unfortunately the only oil I could work with was some old peanut oil from Thanksgiving 1982.

When I was finished frying I tried one, threw it in the garbage with the rest of them, and came up with this list of things not to do when frying lumpia:
1) Don't use lumpia older than your nieces and nephews.
2) If you have no choice but to use old cooking oil, be sure there aren't any fuzzy balls or grit from whatever your ancestors fried with it.
3) Make sure that the oil isn't too hot before throwing the lumpia in. If the lumpia catches fire, pray from your mom's old Novena book.

Related links (not really):
-A MacGyver way to use your knuckles
-A MacGyver way to... make fun of MacGyver

OFW news:
-Filipino may be first to offer unrelated kidney in Bahrain
-5,000 Filipino maids march in HK vs new deployment rules
-NYPD Pinoy is remembered for 9/11 efforts; is recognized by Clinton

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